This morning as I was getting dressed, I stood in my closet pondering what to wear. I took a pair of black pants from the Gap off the hanger and thought “Hmmm, I haven’t worn these in a while. Score! It’s gonna feel like I’m wearing new pants!” So, I put them on and was feeling good about recycling them…
… for about 10 minutes. After that, I realized why the pants were relegated to the side of the closet. They appear to fit, they’re the right length, they look good with lots of different tops and you would think all is well. But no, after this brief honeymoon period they start gapping at the waist in a ridiculous fashion. In a constantly-hiking-up-your-pants, out-of-control-annoying-why-dear-God-am-I-wearing-these-pants kind of way. I mean, I bought them at the Gap, but I didn’t want them to HAVE a gap.
I stand here before you teetering on the brink of pants rage.
Dear Gap Corporation, I have lovingly spent my hard-earned dollars on your clothing nigh these many years, and this is how you repay me. No more! I hereby boycott all your pants.