Tuesday, January 31, 2006

vomit-free since 2003

Throwing up is the worst. I hate it and always have. Doesn’t everyone? So after reading A Million Little Pieces recently, I was horrified by how James Frey threw up every day in rehab. (I’m going to go ahead and believe that part was true, so work with me here.) Also, I saw the movie Less Than Zero at age 12 and had the same reaction. It wasn’t that Robert Downey Jr. died at the end, or that he became a male prostitute – it was the scene where he spent all night throwing up in Jami Gertz’s apartment. That scene alone made me think, sheesh, I’m gonna stay the hell away from anything that makes me barf all the time. Duh!

So perhaps we’ve approached keeping kids off drugs entirely the wrong way in this country. We shouldn’t focus on “just say no,” or “this is your brain on drugs.” So 80’s! Let’s embrace vomiting as the deterrent it is. Can’t we just have an entire ad campaign around the theme of Daily Vomiting and say goodbye to this problem once and for all?

Friday, January 20, 2006

Why today rocks, by Bearca.

Because I just used the word “dadgum” in a sentence. At work.

Next I will be putting old appliances in my front yard (look out, Aliso Viejo!) and attending Nascar events.

I am so awesome right now.

Monday, January 16, 2006

the cuteness, it is ridiculous

Dear Evan,
You are nine months old today. To celebrate, we thought we'd take you to the pediatrician for a checkup. And then maybe feed you some Cheerios and sweet potatoes for dinner. And then give you a bath. Well, come to think of it, today is really about the same as any other day.

I did want to say that it's been great having you around for the last nine months. You really are a kick in the pants most of the time. But if you could go ahead and get those top teeth you've been working on, that'd be great. Right on.


Friday, January 13, 2006

the sweater data sheet

Believe it or not, the following post was written entirely without the aid of the margaritas that Undercover Celebrity suggested.

One time, when I used to work in a cubicle (now I am very important and have my own office), I sat near a girl we’ll call Susan. Susan would always complain about how cold it was in the office. Which it was, but somehow the rest of us figured out how to layer clothing appropriately so as not to suffer on a daily basis. This basic task seemed to escape her.

Now in the technology marketing world that I inhabit from 9 am to 5 pm Monday through Friday, my coworkers and I can often be found writing something known as a data sheet. A data sheet is exactly what it sounds like – a piece of paper containing the selling points of whatever product it is intended to promote. In the data sheet writing world, it’s all about crafting powerful, convincing prose in the form of bullet points. Preferably beginning with “action words,” or as the rest of the world calls them, verbs.

Once my co-workers and I realized that Susan’s complaints were becoming a trend, we would always talk behind her back. Our offhand “why doesn’t she just put on a sweater already, dammit” comments then evolved for our own amusement into an imagined piece of marketing material that came to be known as the Sweater Data Sheet. As the creative marketing professionals we are, we began compiling bullet points about the features and benefits of sweaters that supported our thesis that simply adding a sweater to her daily wardrobe could eliminate this problem. Because people, a sweater is not just a product – it’s a solution.

Before long, brainstorming content for the sweater data sheet became a frequent activity for us. We would email each other new content back and forth, such as:

  • Traps air next to your skin, ensuring that body heat does not evaporate
  • Minimizes shivering
  • Can be worn open or closed, depending on desired amount of heat retention (cardigan models only)
  • Available in multiple colors and fabrics

And so on. The Sweater Data Sheet took on a life of its own. There were diagrams with arrows and callouts. There were revisions. And anytime someone complained of being cold in a meeting, we were unable to look at each other for fear of dissolving into a fit of unprofessional giggles.

One of two things is happening as you are reading this. Either you are thinking “Oh Lord, this girl has gone off the deep end,” or you are recalling to yourself an inside office joke that amused you, perhaps excessively. If the latter is true, please share.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

married white female seeks inspiring blog topics to write about

So if you haven’t noticed, it’s a new year! 2006 even! And therefore I decided I was going to get all New Year’s resolution-y on myself and update my blog, like, all the time!

And here it is, January 10 and as you can see it’s only my third post of the new year.


You see, the problem I’m having is that I am really, truly uninspired right now. I literally cannot think of anything to say. I have not read any interesting books lately, been to any awesome concerts, nor do I have any wildly entertaining work anecdotes to share. I also feel that I’ve really exhausted my ability to make baby poop fun and fascinating. I’m sure you agree.

What’s a girl to do?

I’ve settled into this lifestyle of going to work, picking up Evan from daycare, playing with him, feeding him and putting him to bed. After that, next on my agenda: having dinner, talking to my husband and watching too damn much television. Hardly the stuff that people flock to your site to devour. Except some people do a great job of making that type of thing readable! Not sure why, I can't seem to get on board.

So I need some inspiration. Please, my three to four loyal blog readers, put on your thinking caps and leave me some comments to help me get back on track here. Otherwise, I betcha you’ll be hearing about baby poop in no time flat. Save us all from this fate.

Monday, January 09, 2006

said to me the other day:

"Jeans are the new black pants."

True, no?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Sign o' the times

For those of you on your edge of your seats wondering what I did for New Year’s:

Let’s see… we put Evan to bed around 6:30 pm so we could start the wild party. Or, because he was sick and needed some extra sleep. Once he was fast asleep, I made meatloaf for dinner. Can you stand it? Nothing says “Happy New Year” more than whipping up a delicious batch of meatloaf! Then, we sat on the couch. Me, reading. My husband, doing some of the sudoku puzzles that he got in his stocking. Once we were done with that, we ordered March of the Penguins on Cox On Demand, watched approximately half of it and then proceeded to fall asleep on the couch.

So… what’s the sitch here? Do I need to make more of a concerted effort to celebrate major holidays such as New Year’s Eve? Do I simply need to drink more? Or, is this just kinda the way things are going to be from here on out? Which I’d be totally okay with, as I am quite the homebody to begin with and all.