Saturday, September 10, 2005

somebody, please stop me from yelling "IT'S A BREAST PUMP!"

So the working mom thing is actually going swimmingly. I dropped him off at day care and did not cry a single tear. (And then proceeded to feel exceedingly guilty: I mean, am I not the World's Worst Mother for NOT crying buckets of tears upon separating myself from my baby all day???") Anyway, I digress.

The only complication is that I am not only a working mom, I'm a still-nursing working mom. Which means that I lug around not just my laptop, purse, and the baby's day care bag, but also a pseudo-laptop-looking bag that contains my breast pump, along with an attractive little matching lunchboxy bag with an ice pack in which you store the milk. So, my shoulders are getting rather sore carrying all this gear around. But again, I digress.

It's funny, at first I though I'd be super discreet about the pumping thing. And I am, for the most part, but sometimes I pick up the pump and the lunch box bag, walk to the elevator and head up to the 6th floor where our company's Lactation Lounge is stationed. (And by Lactation Lounge, I mean a depressing, empty white office with individual sheets of 8 1/2" x 11" printer paper taped to the window. You know, for privacy. No one else calls it that; I have just nicknamed it the Lactation Lounge to make myself feel better.)

Digression.

Anyway, so while I'm lugging my dairy supplies around I always wonder which of the zillions of people I pass on the way to the Lounge know where I'm going. Some of the women, I'm sure, are onto me. But the clueless ones will smile and say "what brings you to our neck of the woods?" and I usually answer something like "just visiting!" or another perky inane comment. I fight the urge to say "Actually, I'm going into an empty office to take off my shirt, attach my nipples to this here machine and milk myself like a cow. Any questions?"

I have no idea why I feel this weird compunction to be so honest about it. I am such a private person in normal life and I don't really feel the desire to shock anyone. Maybe I just don't care anymore. I have experienced total desensitization.

BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS. See, it doesn't bother me at all. That's how I roll.

12 comments:

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Poka Bean said...

nice to see that scott woodside has bookmarked your blog and that he thinks your expose on breastfeeding was well writtien and something to ponder. jolly good.

i laughed when i read this. lactation lounge? you had me going there for a second. glad things are going well for you with going back to work!

undercover celebrity said...

very VERY funny.
Glad to see that you're adjusting well to working mommy. Of course, who would ever imagine that you wouldn't be great at something. :)

I think from now on you should just announce that you are going to make milk. "I'm going to make milk now, be back in 10!"

Kiki said...

That's so funny. I'd be the same way in wanting to just scream, "IT'S A FREAKIN PUMP!!! GO AWAY!"
Kudos for not caving yet.

Miladysa said...

Oh that wonderful feeling! Starched blouse (nipple area only), watermelons attached to chest and the way you can tell the time my their weight! Enjoy! :)

Miladysa said...

that 'my' shoud read 'by'! (It's late here).

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I wish we would have had a lactation lounge. i got stuck in a small bathroom sitting on a toilet with the lid down...

Oh, the good old days.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star said...

It's nice to know somebody else out there enjoys a little honesty from time to time. I mean, it's the truth isn't it? They asked, they should be prapared for the answer! Of course, I don't have an excuse like Motherhood to explain my freakish openness, but heck...it's still nice to know you're out there, breaking down the barriers of social propriety one nipple at a time!

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