pants rant

This morning as I was getting dressed, I stood in my closet pondering what to wear. I took a pair of black pants from the Gap off the hanger and thought “Hmmm, I haven’t worn these in a while. Score! It’s gonna feel like I’m wearing new pants!” So, I put them on and was feeling good about recycling them…

… for about 10 minutes. After that, I realized why the pants were relegated to the side of the closet. They appear to fit, they’re the right length, they look good with lots of different tops and you would think all is well. But no, after this brief honeymoon period they start gapping at the waist in a ridiculous fashion. In a constantly-hiking-up-your-pants, out-of-control-annoying-why-dear-God-am-I-wearing-these-pants kind of way. I mean, I bought them at the Gap, but I didn’t want them to HAVE a gap.

I stand here before you teetering on the brink of pants rage.

Dear Gap Corporation, I have lovingly spent my hard-earned dollars on your clothing nigh these many years, and this is how you repay me. No more! I hereby boycott all your pants.

Love,
Bearca

danger

It’s a gray, drizzly day and I’m working from home this afternoon. I’ve got a cup of mint tea in my hand, I’m wearing fleecy slippers, and there’s a window cleaning guy upstairs cleaning all the windows in my house as I write this. It’s a good day.

But every time I have a service person, furniture delivery man or some other “house call” guy come here when I’m here by myself, I always stress out a little bit. Like, is this guy legit or does he have a weapon in that nondescript white van parked outside? Is he going to incapacitate me somehow and attack me, or even worse, throw me into the back of said nondescript white van? Is it just me? Do any of you have these thoughts when the Sears guy is fixing your dishwasher? I’m probably paranoid because I've been watching too much Criminal Minds. Dang, I love that show. But it’s rather terrifying.

Anyway, I’m pleased to report that this guy seems very nice and totally normal. But if you don’t hear from me for a few days, put out an APB on that van.

look out, PGA tour!

I apologize to my four faithful readers for my extended absence. You know who you are! I have been busy getting botched highlights (seriously, my hair looks hideous), working and raising a toddler who may just be on his way to the PGA. Check it out! I'm all, what up Evan, let's get our golf scholarship on. Anyway, I'll be back soon for reals, I promise. Love ya!