verbal diarrhea

Although this is another post along the "pregnancy hazard" lines, I wanted to call it something different — something gross — in order to illustrate the entire point of what I have come here to tell you today. That point is that at this stage in my pregnancy (e.g., The End), I have lost all compunction about using certain words and phrases, which prior to this fascinating journey I would have avoided like the proverbial plague.

Here are a few examples of specific words and phrases with which I am now completely comfortable:

Mucus Plug (my new personal favorite)
Cervix
Effacement
Discharge
Episiotomy

Of course, there are others, but because of my pregnancy-induced forgetfulness I cannot think of them right now. The funny part here is that I am typically quite a tactful and private sort. I hate when people ask me extremely personal questions that are none of their business and I am simply not given to routinely discuss bodily functions. All that has changed. Now I delight in informing others of the status of my cervix on a weekly basis. And the mucus plug? I see pieces of it almost every day now.

Seriously! I know how horrifying this is, but I cannot stop myself from sharing it.

Perhaps it all stems from the time when the ultrasound technician told me I have a beautiful cervix. I must say, I took this as a compliment of the highest order and decided that others should know about it. If you've got a great cervix, you might as well shout it from the rooftops.

I should also confess that my V.D. (verbal diarrhea, for those of you thinking otherwise) has also taken on a darker tone. Like the time when a friend of mine showed me pictures from her cousin's 3-D ultrasound and I immediately said out loud without thinking about it "Oh my gosh, he looks like the Elephant Man!" So much for my self-proclaimed tact. (But really, sometimes those 3-D photos aren't all they are cracked up to be. You can really see some scary angles on those puppies.)

The filter between my brain and my mouth seems to have malfunctioned. Hopefully it will improve after the baby comes, but I'm not holding my breath.

pregnancy hazard #1,763,098

Forgetting things. For example, the other day at work, I forgot how to use the "Track Changes" feature in Microsoft Word. Now, for someone who has been working in a corporate environment since 1995 -- many of those years as a marketing writer and editor -- this may sound wacky. But I assure you, it happened last Thursday. I needed to edit a document and I spent several minutes searching for how to track my changes. Logically, you would think that it would be under the Edit menu. Alas, it is not. After looking at every single menu available in Microsoft Word, I finally found the elusive Track Changes feature under the Tools menu. Where, of course, it's been all along. After I did finally discover it (and realize that I have become certifiably insane), I got really pissed off that it WASN'T under the Edit menu. I mean, wouldn't you go to the edit menu when you want to edit something?

Call me crazy, because I am.