sleep now or forever hold your peace

I've realized a few things about myself. I dislike being the center of attention (most of the time). Also, I'm exceedingly impatient (virtually all the time). Well, actually I've known about both those traits for a while, but as a pregnant woman those two things together create a volatile mix of emotions that are especially noticeable when a person virtually unknown to me asks one of the following questions:

"When are you due?"
"How far along are you?"
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"What are you going to name the baby?"
"Are you going to go back to work?"
"How much weight have you gained?"
"Are you going to have an epidural?"
"Are you going to breastfeed?"

Some of these questions are reasonable, of course; some are downright rude; and most are none of their business. However, I try to be patient (really, I do), but have recently realized that I've had it up to here with one particular comment that a huge majority of people make. Especially other parents, who I know are trying to be helpful and pass on the benefit of their experience. While I appreciate the sentiment, I can't promise to react favorably the next time I hear it.

Wondering what that comment is? It's "sleep now."

Or "get all the sleep you can," or "I hope you're taking advantage of the fact that you can sleep uninterrupted now," or any number of variations on the sleep theme.

Here is the flaw in the "sleep now" logic: it ain't bankable. Trust me, if there was a way to hoard sleep, I would have mastered it for my personal use and then sold it to the highest bidder. Seriously. I'm as close as you can come to a sleepaholic. I truly love to sleep and if I haven't had my eight (nine) hours, I pity the people who have to be near me the next day. (Side note: I know I'm going to have to get over that. You people have been telling me about it for months.)

Here's the other part I dislike. At 33 weeks, I can't sleep very well as it is. I wake up two or three times a night to go to the bathroom, and by the time I return, get back in bed, comfortably arrange my complex pillow system and ensure that I'm not cutting off the blood supply to one of my arms by resting my considerable bulk on top of it, the baby has usually begun his nightly kickboxing ritual, which can last up to a couple of hours. A two-minute bathroom trip often results in a two-hour sleep deficit.

I know what you parents out there are thinking. The sleep deprivation scenario I've just described is a piffling inconvenience compared to what I'm about to endure. And that's OK. Just let me drown in that pool like the rest of you did! In the meantime, I'll keep on answering all your questions... just as long as you don't tell me to get some sleep.

eureka

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Happiness... thy name is L'Oreal Passion Fruit Squeeze.